Since my last post, I haven't run into the guy at the gym -- yet. Just in case you were wondering. Also, no, I don't believe he was gay and hitting on me. I'll admit that my last post was badly worded, to the point where the running joke for the last couple of weeks has been for Rita or my other friends to cast a sensuous glance at me and "trace a line" along their bicep, or tricep, or other bulging muscle and make inappropriate come-on lines.
An update on last week's FABULOUS Midwest Tour is forthcoming. Until then, I just have one question...
What do you call your in-laws?
Mom and Dad? Mr. and Mrs. Wife's Maiden Name? Doris and Fred?
This came up on our trip and it's been nagging at me ever since. I've been skating along for almost four years trying not to address Rita's parents directly, because honestly I don't know what to call them.
All the married people in the house -- speak up now.
D
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I flip back and forth between calling them Mom and Dad and by their first names. When I address them directly, I'll often say "Mom" or "Dad" in a joking tone (to mask the awkwardness...I'm sure it works! Ha.) but when I'm referencing one to the other, I often use their first names. I know Chris's sister's ex-husband continued to address them by their first names and they were fine with that, I think. They sign cards to me as "Mom and Dad" or "Mom and Dad #2" or "Mom/Diane and Dad/Stan." My mom is horrified that I sometimes call them by their first names. HORRIFIED.
Which means that Chris calls my parents "Mom and Dad." He started off calling them by their first names after we got married and my mom pulled me aside to ask me to ask Chris (hi! we're Chinese!) to call them Mom and Dad. Because he is a nice, obliging lad, he agreed to do so, but I can tell it feels awkward for him.
Before we were married, I called Rita's dad "[Last name] Bo-Bo" and her mom "[Last name] Ma-Ma." From what I understand, in Chinese, this is more like "Uncle" and "Aunt," or the way you would address an older family friend. Obviously, this is not appropriate anymore. But calling them Mom and Dad would also be weird to me. And I'm not sure what they want me to call them. Maybe Rita should ask...
Ah, well, it's a little easier for me re: D's parents.
On the one hand, being Chinese, I, too, am horrified to address any parents by their first names.
On the other hand, D's parents are divorced and remarried, and there's a mess of step-siblings in the mix. (Some of them are even white!) So, on D's side, every parent is also someone else's stepparent, and I already hear all their first names being used.
Still, it's easier for me to address D's stepparents than his biological parents. I'm most used to hearing the names D uses.
D's stepsister addresses greeting cards with slashes whenever they're from all of us (like "Dad/Ray") so I've begun copying her there. (Ditto D's mom signs cards that way when addressing all of us!)
A while back (long before marriage) I asked D's mom outright and she told me her first name was fine . . . but the few times I've done so have felt weird. The more I hang out with D's step-sibs, though, the easier that gets.
:)
r
P.S. Dave--
I would like to point out that you and Tiff do not literally call your in-laws "Mom and Dad." You call them that in Chinese, which is totally different and natural! It seems closer--more familiar and less contrived--than the English (even though I address my own parents in English!).
P.P.S.
I was once instructed by my college roommate to address her parents by first name, but I couldn't. Even though her high school friends always had. But later, she found out her mom appreciated being addressed Mrs.! She felt it conveyed respect! So, see, see, you never can tell--even when the parents are white!
P.P.P.S.
Felisa--you should tell Chris to try saying "Ma-Ma" and "Ba-Ba" in Chinese. It would probably feel less awkward all around, plus become a cool cultural gesture (kinda kiss-up--but fun!). At least, that's what I observed when D did the [Last name]-Bo-Bo thing with both my parents and Dave's.
What Chinese person doesn't love hearing a non-Chinese person speak?
:)
r
OK, we must be a defective Chinese family since Ben still calls my parents Mr. & Mrs. Last Name and I avoid calling Ben's parents anything. Occasionally, I let out a quiet "Ma" or "Ba" when I speak to them, but I speak so quietly that no one really hears it but myself.
We are weird.
AJ and I not married so technically I don't have to answer this questions. But I call and refer to AJ's parents as Alice and Gary. It seems to be okay with them, as their own kids refer to them as Alice and Gary. AJ seems to be the only child that refers to them as mom and dad.
I think AJ just avoids calling my parents anything at all - since he has yet to figure out what to call them.
Mom and Dad. In English. It's just that simple with us :)
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