Midwest Tour - The Cast of Characters

On July 21st, Rita and I and four of our close friends set off on our highly anticipated Midwest Tour. Many non-believers, when informed of our plans, winced at the thought of traveling -- voluntarily -- to Chicago, Indiana, and St. Louis in the middle of summer. Those who didn't wince, jeered. Some guffawed. Anyway, screw you all. It was fabulous. The other five intrepid barnstormers will soon be peppering their blogs with funny pictures, charming anecdotes, and the like. I will also try to do justice to this soon-to-be-legendary trip. For now, though, I just want to introduce this motley crew to the blogosphere...

CAPTAIN INDIANA (aka The Medalist, Tetris Master, The Cub, HipGayChemistryTeacher)
Our tour guide in the Hoosier State, this furry fellow medaled in all four cycling events he entered at the Gay Games in Chicago (July 15-22, 2006). He likes Star Wars, cereal, waterskiing, and a dangerously addictive card game entitled Killer Bunnies and the Quest for the Magic Carrot. Little-known fact: The Captain brought seventeen complete changes of clothes on the trip and, to the best of my knowledge, wore all of them. Twice.

THE SPIRIT OF ST. LOUIS (aka Rubberface, The Fluxx Capacitor, Little Toes, Mister Jackhonky)
No, not Lindbergh's famous single-engine plane. This guy IS the actual Spirit of that great Midwestern city. Also known as Mister Jackhonky, this Wash U alum showed us that there is so much more to the "Gateway to the West" than just The Arch (although looking down from 630 feet up was pretty cool). He also introduced the group to Fluxx, the wacky card game with ever-changing rules! The Spirit reads Us Weekly religiously, but also enjoys pontificating, deconstructing, and creating portmanteaux.

THE LAUGHING ASSASSIN (aka The Valedictorian, GPS, Da Pingguo)
Don't let the sweet smile fool you. This New York native first earned her nickname during a seemingly innocuous round of Mille Bornes, the classic auto race card game. Her signature giggle -- the one she unleashes right after demolishing your car, trashing your Keeper, or flaying your bunny -- still haunts me at night. She is also known as GPS because of her uncanny knack for always knowing exactly which direction the SUV was pointing. The Assassin is exceedingly fond of big sunglasses and fishing hats.

THE SLEEPSTANDER (aka The Opinionator, The Former Human Garbage Disposal, The Fuming Doctor)
Med students learn a host of immensely valuable skills during those long, arduous years of training, but only a select few acquire the grotesquely unnatural ability to fall asleep while standing. We are proud to call The Sleepstander our own. Surprisingly, he stayed awake for most of the trip, although we had to remind ourselves to poke him sharply every once in a while to make sure he was really awake (he can fake it well). When he's not checking on his fantasy baseball team, The Sleepstander can be heard mumbling an insightful opinion ("oh, really? what's that about?" "wow, that's cool"), or fuming over the fact that another waitress called The Laughing Assassin "sir."

THE CRAZY HAT LADY (aka The Initiator, Lemon Tea, The Shutterfly, RH Crayon)
She forgot the welder's helmet her paranoid mother gave her, so The Crazy Hat Lady brought along this crazy yellow hat. But I love her anyway. Can you imagine that? My wife is also the brainchild behind the Midwest Tour. A few years ago, when we learned that Gay Games VII was going to be held in Chicago and that Captain Indiana was planning to compete there, The Initiator had the wacky idea that we could all tag along, and that we could also tour the hometowns of the Captain and The Spirit of St. Louis. Did I mention the wincing? Well, we had a wonderful time, so count me as a doubting Thomas no longer.

THE DRIVER (aka The Game Master, The Muscle Tracer, DJ52)
Yep, that's me. I drove almost the entire way. There was one morning in St. Louis when the Captain took the white Chevy Trailblazer LT around the corner to grab some coffee and bagels, but the rest of the time I drove. What can I say? I like to drive. Especially on freeways and highways, and most especially on roads I've never been on before. Legend has it that I was giving my parents driving directions from my car seat when I was an infant. I almost believe it. We played some of the games we brought, but we never got to try Settlers of Catan or Lord of the Rings Risk. I guess those will have to wait for our next trip.

Here's a picture of the entire group:



More soon!

DJ52